Spencer: Royalty

Everything that I am about to write (including the title) was sent to me VIA text message by Sarah Taylor.


"This dog was offered a job at a hospital..."


"..but couldn't take it and lives a life of misery/dress up"

That's Sarah in the middle.

Animals

As promised through the subtitle of this blog: Animals with Jobs

Seeing-eye-horses......
There is a lot I like about this picture.
1. The horse is mini
2. It is wearing mini-horse sneakers
3. That dog is fucking ugly/Diana Ross
4. The name of the horse is Cuddles



Mini-horses aren't only for the blind. You can get one as an "emotional support" animal. I wish I was kidding.

I know what you're thinking, "Nicole, I'de love to have some helping hooves around the house but what are my options for mini-Horse footwear ?"

Don't worry!





If sneakers aren't for your horse you have the option of a cowboy boot. I personally find the spurs over the top but then again so is a damn boot for a horse.



There is always the clog option.



Moving along:

This cat has a real job.

It is a stationmaster of a train station. His two friends are deputies.

Guess that ol' saying was right all along: "Make a cat a stationmaster and he will make his two friends the deputies."

They get paid in food.

Common question: "What exactly is in this cat's job description?"
Answer: To greet guests. Duh.

This lovely poodle named Pluto promotes pedestrian safety by walking on it's hind legs.

This is the type of job I'm looking for. Sash + walking.


I don't know what type of job this chimp has but he makes a lot of money (check out his fanny pack).



I'm ok with this whole situation but how did a chimp get to own a dog?

Side note - Diana Ross the Boss

She is fucking nuts. What in god's name is wrong with her brain?

Highlights of the video include: She's singing in the damn rain like a crazy person. She starts a concert from her a trailer wearing.....something that looks like tulle and organs put together.



P.S - She looks like a damn pekingese.

New York

Some highlights of my 2.5 day trip.

Tony's sleeping arrangement:


JJ, the most mystical person I know, took us to a night club named Cock.
A penis looked at Tony straight in the eyes.

(read 2 blogs down for words that describe JJ. Incase you are too lazy to do that, I have posted a video that describes him pretty well. Sorry JJ.)



I'm the one skidadling around. Elena is the corpse. The wall art is from Prague.

Me and my petite family and Tony ate some Pinkberry.

Sarah claims it's made out of humans.
I say: It's human-licious.
I strike again with my clever humor.

Tony and I headed over to a china street to find "THE" dumpling house.
Before I show you the bah-gain (Rhymes with noggin) me and Tony ate I would like to ask you to take some time to read the most beautiful piece of writing on dumplings I have ever read.


Here is what we ate there for 7 whole dollars:
Beef pancake:

Two plates of steamed pork heaven:

Dumpling juice:


On that china street me and Tony learned some lessons.

People eat critters/monsters. Examples below.



How to achieve the worst possible breath ever invented VIA fried potatoes:


And Finally, the most important of all China Street lessons:

In between Vacations

Since there was a large request from fans to post what I did after I mingled in the windy city and before I skidadled over to New York I am writing this.

Me and Elena Chiriboga first started our day like a lot of other Americans.
We purchased a lot of fireworks.


Side note: E. Chiriboga was drinking canned water.


Then we headed over to the supermarket.
We found Elena's favorite section. Red Meat !!!!


Then we found my favorite section. Blood pressure!!!



My pulse was zero but my blood pressure was low!!!

We found a duck that didn't love Elena.


We set off a smoke granade. Elena danced in it.



Then we built her cat a new condo. It's rent controlled.

More Chi-town fun

Me and Tony saw everything the windy city had to offer.

Fountain of some bitches face:

Shark fetuses that were real and moved and were gross:

A cartoon rat gang attacking a cartoon man:

A sign that is everything that JJ is:

A home depot purse:

The cat that Tony was having an affair with:

The turtle that Tony was having an affair with:

Three blind mice (They had that written next to them. They were really blind. Seriously.):

And Tony looked into the real estate market:


I found that last caption really funny. I'm really funny.

Vacations-ing

Me and Tonzington headed over to Chicago.

While we were there we stumbled across a little slice of heaven.
Taste of Chicago 07.
It's a food festival.
Here is what we ate within an hour's time:


This is a meatball sandwich. I found it funny.













Haha. Just Kidding. We didn't eat those African American puppets.